


The Doubts We Have and The Questions We Ask.

by AzzerThePirate



Series: Papa!Blackwall (Or how the inquisition became a family and Blackwall has no idea how it happened) [2]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, This is actually the fourth part of the series, and that's why he has his papa Blackwall, but I needed to write it, just self indulgent, looots of insecurities on Apollos side
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-04 19:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5345276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzzerThePirate/pseuds/AzzerThePirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inquisitor Apollo needs a hug or at least someone to believe in him. Part of the Papa!Blackwall series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Doubts We Have and The Questions We Ask.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic kicked me in the ass. It was a bitch and a half to write. But I would like to thank Hinotoriii and Flyppa for encouraging me to keep at it love u guys.

Blackwall made his way to the stables from the bathing area whistling a merry tune. Their latest venture into the Hinterlands had yielded good results and even more people were now pledging their allegiance to the Inquisition and more importantly, their Inquisitor.

 This thought stopped Blackwall short. Their Inquisitor. A mage who had never left the Ostwick Circle before the rebellion started and barely in his twenty third year was leading an organisation that rivalled any before it. He shook his head ‘ _wouldn’t want it to be me_ ’ came the unbidden thought.

 He nodded in greeting to Master Dennet as he passed and made his way to his carving table, hoping to finish of the latest toy he had made for the children when a sniffle caught his attention. He frowned and looked towards the noise.

 “Hello?” He squinted to the shadowy corner, barely making out the figure of a person. “Are you alright?” He started to walk towards them when they stood up and looked at him,

 “It’s just me, Blackwall.” The Warden’s eyes widened in surprise and took a step back so the Inquisitor could come away from the boxes he was hiding behind.

 “Inquisitor. How may I help you?” Now that the Inquisitor was standing in the light he was able to see the black circles underneath his eyes and the tightness of his mouth. He frowned in concern. Apollo cleared his throat and looked towards his Amarathine Charger before looking back towards him.

 “Ah- Nothing, Blackwall. No need to concern yourself. I’ll leave you in peace” Apollo made a move towards the entrance to the stables before being stopped with a gentle hand on his arm. He looked at Blackwall and followed when he was brought to a chair in front of a burning fire. He swallowed thickly when the older man bought his chair closer to him and looked at him in the eye.

 “I may be older than you lad, but I can see when something is a load of druffalo shit.” Blackwall smiled. “Now, come on, tell me what’s up.”

 Apollo sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. ‘ _must be something he picked up from Cullen_ ’  Blackwall thought absently.

 “It’s…” Apollo heaved a sigh. “What do you see when you look at me Blackwall?” He asked. The Warden stilled, looking into steady eyes that looked far more tired than they had any right to be. “Do you see someone worth following? Not because of the glowing hand of destiny, but because I’d be a good leader. Or do you see a kid with no experience thrust into a world of freedom from templars and circles with no idea how the real world works?”

 Blackwall was silent for a moment before rubbing a hand over his beard. He took a look at Apollo, noticed the clear, if tired, eyes and the stubborn set to his shoulders. _Maker, does he ever relax?_

 “Honestly, when I first met you, I didn’t think that you had what it took to lead.” When he saw the Inquisitors lips turn down slightly he amended himself. “I saw you as a boy, Maker, I still do. You’re only young, and yet you have masses of people bowing and pledging themselves to your service. You have some truly frightening individuals willing to lay down their life for you and I didn’t think you were ready for that.” He finished. He then placed a hand on Apollo’s shoulder and squeezed lightly.

 “And now?” came the soft sounding reply.

“I still think you’re too young to be leading this kind of charge against an ancient evil, however, I know for a fact that it’s not going to stop you. The leagues of people pledging themselves to you see you as an inspiration, whereas we, your inner circle, see you as a friend. Someone with worth. Someone we can help, someone we can love as a brother - or as I see it- a son. We can help you shoulder the burden that comes with leading. You are not alone.”

 Apollo hung his head, lips pressed tight together as he struggled to regain his composure. Blackwall waited, knowing that this is what the lad needed to hear. It’s what he himself wanted to hear all those years ago. He was determined to be to Apollo, what the real Blackwall was to him. Not that he’d ever admit it, he didn’t even want to admit it to himself, what he was playing at.  

 After a few minutes of retrospective silence, Apollo heaved a sigh and rubbed at his eyes. “Maker. I wish I could see what you see.” He leaned his head on one hand and stared into the fire. “I just feel like i’m floundering. never knowing what to do, where to go, who to talk to - _how_ to talk to them. Josephine just thrusts me in front of all these nobles and expects me to know what to do. It’s like they forget or just plain ignore that I grew up in the circle and have no experience in how to address nobles. I just want to be out there helping. Helping the people that are being hurt by this _fucking war_. Not sitting in a damn room in front of a bunch of people who have never known or experienced the life that the ‘common’ person lives through, but because I’m the Herald of _fucking_ Andraste I should be there rubbing shoulders with the rich and powerful while _innocent fucking_ _people die_.” Apollo closed his eyes and hung his head again, jolting when he felt a soothing hand on his shoulder.

 “And that is why we follow you. You are humble. Many people in your position would let their underlings do the hard work, but you don’t, and we respect that.” Blackwall squeezed and felt an answering smile grace his lips when he saw the younger man grin.

 Apollo huffed a laugh and looked at Blackwall. “Thanks. I respect you as well. I’m glad I’m able to trust you in amongst all the shit that’s being thrown at us.” He stood up and gave a little stretch. “Well, best get back to it.” He turned and clasped Blackwall on the shoulder. “I appreciate this.” He smiled once more “See you later… Papa”

 With a final grin and parting pat, Apollo walked out of the stables leaving the man behind in a contemplative silence wondering what the in the Maker’s name he was going to do now.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> don't expect anything else from me anytime soon. I did have some oneshots of a different inquisitor planned but family stuff has kicked me in the nuts. So till next time


End file.
